Hee hee! These are my favourite jokes - can you do better?


What feature do witches love having on their computers?
A spell checker

What should you do after shaking hands with a monster?
Count your fingers

When a vampire drinks too much, what does it get?
A fangover

Where do skeletons swim?
The Dead Sea

What do mermaids have on toast?

Why did the man drown in his muesli?
He was pulled under by a strong currant

What’s yellow and dangerous?
Shark-infested custard

What do you get if you cross an egg with a barrel of gunpowder?
A boom-meringue

Waiter! Waiter! Your thumb is in my soup.
Don’t worry. It’s not hot

Why don’t cannibals eat clowns?
Because they taste funny

What’s yellow, brown and hairy?
Cheese on toast stuck to the carpet

What do cannibals do at weddings?
Toast the bride and groom

What’s yellow, flat and flies around the kitchen?
An unidentified flying omelette

What’s the worst thing you’ll find in a school canteen?
The food

What are two robbers called?
A pair of nickers

Do you know why my little brother is built upside down?
Because his nose runs and his feet smell!

What do you do if you find a python in your toilet?
Wait until he’s finished

What happens when the queen burps?
She issues a royal pardon


Can you do better? Tell us a joke then!!


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